Hello from a Hiatus

They say lonely people always find time to write.

The past weeks I haven’t written a post, I was preparing to travel and taken a trip to 5 countries.

All this while I was also juggling three jobs. Sometimes I wonder why I tend to glorify being busy until I realized that no, I don’t. As much as I like to grumble about work at times, I truly love having something to do. And the more there are, the better.

A couple of years ago, I wondered if it was to fill a void in my life. I wanted to be bluntly honest with myself. I was at a time when I was assessing my actions because I want to turn my life around.

I was through with toxic people and dead-end relationships. I’ve had enough of waiting for good things to come and wanted to go out and chase after them instead.

And that, I did.

Many years ago, I never in my wildest imagination would have guessed I would end up where I am now. And I am not just talking about my physical environment, which has ranked as one of the happiest countries in the world by the way.

I am talking about the peace in my heart. No matter how busy or drained or emotionally volatile I get, I still wake up with peace in my heart every morning.

It never fails. 

There is always that fresh, clean stretch of time, no matter how long or short, that envelops me when I open my eyes each day. That fluttering moment when I am just drifting back into consciousness that I feel indomitable peace.

This is before the errands of the day or my responsibilities snatch my thought away into a frenzy.

But those moments of quietness…they’re a huge deal to me.

Because I’ve had my share of mornings when I wake up with a gaping hole in my heart. I’ve had those mornings when the moment my eyes flutter open, I let out an inward groan that’s so terrible, it echoes into my very soul and comes from the dread of facing another day.

I’ve had mornings when I have to drag myself out of bed and with zombie-like deliberation, force myself to get on with the day. One small moment, one small step at a time because the thought of the unknown future and the dreadful present overwhelms me.

Those days, I learned to dig deeply into my faith as I have never done before. When you feel like you have nothing more to lose, you end up giving your everything.

To God, to the universe if you’re not the theistic type, to your steadfast will to turn things around because dammit, this is the only life you have. Somehow, you and your purpose just become one vibrating being.

This is what happened to me.

And I am sorry if this may be too vague for now but…if there is one thing I can tell you with absolute clarity and certainty it is this: things will get better. ALWAYS.